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COMPILED BY STEVE EUVINO

Funeral Homes
Q.  Basic question: What do you do when someone dies?
A.  People who’ve been through family funerals know about their responsibilities. But what if you’re put in charge and you don’t have a clue as to what happens next? We sat down with Josh Krause, a funeral director at Rees Funeral Homes Inc., and asked some basic questions. Please remember that funeral homes may vary in their policies and services.

What is the first thing you do when someone dies?
Each situation is different, but if you’re at home with the deceased, call 911 or contact police or an ambulance. Upon arrival, police or rescue personnel will notify the coroner.  If the deceased is at a hospital or hospice, someone, possibly from pastoral care, will contact next of kin and ask about a funeral home. The hospital/hospice then contacts the funeral home.

At that point, who is responsible for what?
The funeral home picks up the deceased from the home or facility, then contacts the family to express sympathy and begin discussion on the family’s funeral wishes. The funeral home arranges an appointment with the family to review arrangements.

Who transports the body to the funeral home?
The funeral home, which carries a burial transit permit, handles that responsibility.

What kind of documentation is required, and who is responsible for getting it? Is there anything else needed?
In meeting with next of kin, the funeral home will ask for any insurance forms; military DD214 form for honorable discharge; birth certificate (helpful); any paperwork from a cemetery; and any paperwork should the funeral be pre-planned.  Aside from documentation, photographs of the deceased are helpful for newspapers, a memory portrait, prayer cards, and a memorial DVD. A current photo also helps the funeral home staff in preparing the deceased’s hair.

 What if the person is an organ donor?
Normally, the funeral home will not receive the body until after the donated organs have been removed (procedure done at a hospital or other facility).

What if nothing has been pre-planned and you don’t know the deceased’s wishes?
That responsibility falls to next of kin to make the decisions.

When people come to the funeral home to make arrangements, what kinds of questions should they be prepared for?
The funeral home may provide a summary sheet containing biographical information about the deceased, including place of employment, Social Security number, military status, religious preference, and a list of surviving family members and their city/town of residence. The family should also bring a set of clothes for the deceased.

Who does the obituary for the papers?
The funeral home will help the family compose the obituary, which sometimes the family may have prepared in advance. The funeral home will want the family to proofread the obituary, to remove any mistakes and ensure that the obituary meets the family’s wishes.

What about costs for the funeral?
The Federal Trade Commission requires that each funeral home provide a general price list of services.

Is embalming required?
State law in Indiana does not require embalming. However, Rees does require embalming for open-casket funeral services. Within just a few days of death, the body can undergo changes.

Can a family provide the casket?
Yes.

What about clothing, haircare for the deceased?
The family brings clothing and a recent photo to help the funeral home staff, including a cosmetician, prepare the body.

Who calls the priest, and when?
The family may call clergy, but the funeral home usually handles that. The funeral home will first meet with the family to go over possible visitation dates, then contact clergy to see if those dates fit the clergy’s schedule. Nothing goes into the newspaper until the minister is secured.

What about considerations for military service or private organizations?
The funeral home will work with the family regarding any special services, rosaries, or other prayers should outside organizations (military, Knights of Columbus, sororities, ethnic groups) wish to participate.

The deceased had a pet, still alive. May the family bring the pet to the funeral home to spend a few moments with the deceased?
Funeral homes may vary on this practice, but Rees will allow it. One practice funeral homes frown upon, and which the Catholic Church does not allow, is the mingling of other cremated remains with those of the deceased.

What if the deceased had certain wishes?
The best way to handle that is through a funeral planning declaration, in which someone specifies everything he/she wants. This declaration is usually tied to funeral pre-planning.

What if a person’s condition is terminal? How soon should someone begin making arrangements? 
It’s good to make plans beforehand, but some families simply cannot do it. It’s fine to come in at the time of death. Some facilities, such as hospice, may help in making plans. However, it’s good advice to stay with the loved one as long as you can. It’s not critical that these plans are made in advance.

Cemetery
Q.  What do I need to know once I get to the cemetery?
A.  You’ve completed all the necessary arrangements with the funeral home, but what about the cemetery? Michael Welch, chief operating officer for Gary Diocesan Cemeteries, went through some of the basic questions family members might have in approaching this step of the funeral process.

Who notifies the cemetery?
If funeral plans have been pre-arranged, the funeral home will contact the cemetery, which, using technology, can link a person’s name with the owner of the grave. If plans have not been made in advance, the funeral home will notify the cemetery that next of kin is coming. Upon the family’s arrival, cemetery staff will take them to a possible gravesite. The family can also decide at that time if it wishes a gravesite service or chapel service. In case of the former, the family can witness of the interment of the deceased; with the latter, people generally disperse after the service and cemetery staff handles the interment of the body.

What services does the cemetery provide?
Cemetery services include the gravesite, the opening and closing of the grave, vault handling and sealing, putting the vault in the grave, and working with the family on a monument style (upright or lawn level) and design.

How long after the monument is ordered will it arrive?
If the work is being done locally, the monument may arrive within 1-3 weeks. If the monument is ordered from outside the area, it may arrive within 8-12 weeks.

What paperwork is involved between the cemetery and next of kin?
Any “required” paperwork is usually handled between the family and the funeral director. At the cemetery office the family will be asked to complete a purchase agreement that covers services and costs. If the deceased was honorably discharged from military service and the family wants a bronze military headstone (provided by the military), the family may bring the DD214 form for faxing to the Veterans Administration.

What should people consider regarding gravesites?
Is the grave close to a water source? Is the grave located close to those of family members? Does the family want a flush (lawn level) or upright marker? In the case of mausoleum crypts, do you want the crypt to be at eye level? (If the crypt is too high, you may not be able to reach it.) On which side of the building do you want the crypt: where the sun sets or it rises?

What is the cemetery’s responsibility regarding the grounds?
Cemetery staff cuts grass regularly and trims around markers at least 7 times a year. Weeding and fertilizing are also done. A percentage of sales of graves or crypts goes into an a perpetual care fund for the grounds.

Are there limitations as to how people “decorate” the gravesite?
Cemeteries may differ on policies, but at the diocesan cemeteries, natural or artificial flowers are permitted within 15 inches of the front of the monument or marker. Trees, bushes, or evergreens are not allowed (for maintenance reasons). Metal objects of any kind (including shepherd hooks), glass, statuary, fences, concrete, bricks, or decorative stones are prohibited (again, for maintenance reasons). Candles of any kind are not permitted. Any of these objects can be picked up and hurled by mowing equipment. Evergreen blankets or grave coverings are not permitted by the diocesan cemeteries.

What is the Catholic Church’s stance on cremations?
Since 1963 the Catholic Church has permitted cremation. In 1997 the Vatican gave U.S. bishops permission to allow the celebration of the funeral Mass with the cremated remains present, provided the local bishop permits it (which Bishop Melczek does). The Church strongly recommends that cremation take place after the full funeral liturgy with the body. However, that practice is not always possible, as in the case of death occurring far away and the body or remains having to be transported great distances. Cremated remains must be properly buried or entombed, either in a family grave, urn garden, or columbarium. The Catholic Church prohibits the practice of scattering cremated remains over water, from the air, or on the ground, or of keeping cremated remains in someone’s home. Cremated remains may be buried at sea, but in an appropriate container, not scattered.

 How is a Catholic cemetery different?
Catholics are not required to be buried in a Catholic cemetery. Catholic cemeteries, however, take a different philosophy, viewing their role as a corporal work of mercy. A Catholic cemetery is a sacred place set aside by the local bishop as the resting place for those who are baptized, who worshipped and lived their Catholic faith, and in death complete their baptismal commitment at rest with their fellow companions in faith.

Faith aspect in making funeral preparations

For Catholics, there is a definite religious side to funerals. What about the religious side to funerals? What do families need to consider? We asked Dr. Kristopher Seaman, diocesan director of the Office of Worship, about the faith aspect in making funeral preparations.

For a Catholic, what rites are associated with funerals?
There are three rites: the funeral vigil (wake), usually held the evening before burial; the funeral liturgy itself; and the rite of committal (the actual burial).

Does the family have a choice as to readings or music at the Mass?
The funeral rite allows for some input by the family. The parish may allow certain choices, if they fit in with the liturgy. Usually parishes have a book from which next of kin may select readings or music. Also, the parish music director may sit down with the family and go through music options, either on a CD or from a book.

What about a favorite song of the deceased that is not Church-oriented? When can it be played or sung?
The primary purpose of funeral music is to express our faith in the hope of the resurrection of the dead. That said, the music should fit with the funeral liturgy, rather than popular culture.

The deceased was a suicide victim. May he/she still be buried from a church?
Yes. The Church realizes that suicide can be a result of psychological reasons. That person should never be denied a church burial. The Catholic Church’s 1989 Order of Christian Funerals provides for specific prayers for suicide victims, as well as other cases (e.g., infant death).

The deceased was preparing to become Catholic when she/he died. May that person be buried from a church?
Yes. Both candidates (those baptized) and catechumens (those preparing for the sacraments of baptism, confirmation, and Eucharist) have certain rights within the Church, among which is a funeral liturgy.

When may someone give a eulogy for the deceased?
According to the 1989 Order of Christian Funerals, eulogies are not allowed at funeral liturgies. The best time to deliver such comments is the evening before, during the wake. Generally this is a smaller group of people, a more relaxed setting, under more familiar circumstances.

What about cremations and the body?
Out of respect for the dignity of the body, the Church highly recommends that the body be present at the funeral liturgy. (Some funeral homes may rent a casket for the occasion.) Cremation may then take place following the liturgy. The rite of committal would then follow cremation.